Bedtime Resistance & What It’s Really Telling Us
You’ve asked kindly. You’ve asked firmly. You’ve given the 10 minute warning. You’ve done a story, the water bottle, even the cuddle… And still – your child is refusing bedtime.
If you’ve been there (or are currently in it every night), you’re not alone and more importantly, you’re not failing.
Bedtime resistance isn’t just “naughty” behaviour. It’s communication.
Often, it’s your child’s way of saying:
“I’m still holding on to the day. I’m not ready to let go.”
“I don’t feel safe in my body yet.”
“I need more of you.”
Here’s what I’ve learned through both motherhood and psychology studies about how we can meet bedtime resistance with connection, not control.
1. Check the Emotional Temperature
Before diving into bedtime routines, take a breath and ask yourself:
“What kind of day have they had?”
Have they been overstimulated, rushed, or disconnected?
Kids don’t process these experiences verbally, they show us through their behaviour. And bedtime is often when it all bubbles up.
Slow things down for 5 minutes. Offer a cuddle, a chat, or simply sit with them. Sometimes it’s not about sleep—it’s about safety.
2. Invite, Don’t Demand
You’re the anchor. And anchors don’t yell at the ship for drifting—they guide it back.
When kids are defiant at bedtime, they’re often craving control in a world where everything else is decided for them.
Try instead:
“Do you want to walk like a bear or hop like a kangaroo to your bed?”
“Should we read two little stories or one big one tonight?”
“Which pillow do you want on top—blue or the stripey one?”
Would you like me to tickle your back or just cuddle?
Choices reduce power struggles while still getting to the same destination: bedtime.
3. Create a Visual Routine (and Stick to It)
Children thrive on predictability—it helps their nervous system relax. A simple bedtime visual (pictures or drawings) can work wonders.
Include:
Bath
PJs
Teeth
Book
Lights out
You can even draw it together and let them tick off each step with a sticker or marker. This invites cooperation, not confrontation.
4. Stay Consistent With Calm Boundaries
Sometimes they’ll test. Sometimes they’ll cry. They will say they are hungry. A common bedtime stall tactic, especially if your child is overtired or trying to regain a sense of control.
And in those moments, your grounded presence is more powerful than any punishment.
Try saying:
“It’s okay to feel upset. I’ll stay close while you settle.”
“You don’t have to sleep yet, but it’s rest time now.”
"I hear that you're feeling hungry now, but dinner was earlier and now it's time for bed. Your tummy will be okay until morning. We’ll have a yummy breakfast when you wake up."
We can’t force sleep—but we can create an environment where it’s safe to let go.
5. Connection Capsules Before Sleep
To help them wind down emotionally, create a short ritual that’s just for them:
Share 3 “favourite moments” from the day
Whisper a silly dream into each other’s hands
Make up a bed time story together
Trace invisible shapes on their back and have them guess what it is
These “connection capsules” tell your child: You’re safe. You’re seen. You’re not alone.
The Truth? You’re Doing Better Than You Think
Bedtime isn’t just about brushing teeth and lights out.
It’s a mirror—a moment where all the emotions we’ve both held onto all day surface.
So next time your child resists bedtime, pause and ask:
What are they really needing right now?
I know you are tired Mumma, and what you time. These moments are long but they also fly fast and I have to keep telling myself “this is temporary”
And if you don’t always get it “right,” that’s okay too. We’re all learning how to give what we didn’t always receive.
You’ve got this, Mumma.
