Trusting My Inner Compass: Parenting Through Connection and Intuition
In a world overflowing with parenting advice, I often find myself caught between the noise and my own knowing. But over the years, especially through the chaos, the tears, the magical bedtime chats—I’ve learned that my greatest parenting tool isn’t just found in a book or a podcast. It’s within me. It’s my intuition. That quiet, steady inner compass guiding me back to connection, presence, and authenticity.
One voice that’s really helped me trust that compass is Dr. Gabor Maté, a physician and expert in childhood development. His words have been a balm for my heart and a powerful reminder that we don’t need to parent perfectly—we just need to show up with love and attunement.
The Heart of Connection
Dr. Maté reminds us that the foundation of healthy child development lies in our relationship with our children. He says, "The essential condition for healthy development is the child’s relationship with nurturing adults." That hit me deeply. Because I’ve seen it—when I’m emotionally present and tuned in, even after a messy day, my boys soften. The walls come down.
Letting Emotions Flow
One of the hardest but most transformative shifts for me has been allowing my kids to express all their emotions—especially the loud, inconvenient ones. Dr. Maté speaks of the importance of emotional safety, saying, "The child should have rest in that relationship. There's nothing the child should be able to do to break their relationship with the parent, and there's nothing the child should have to do to rebuild it."
That line changed how I show up. I want my kids to know: You’re safe with me. Even when you're angry. Even when I’m tired. We’ll figure it out together.
Holding Space Against Peer Pull
It’s confronting to realise how quickly peers can become our children’s compass if we’re not anchoring them in secure connection. Dr. Maté talks about this shift, urging us to reclaim our role as our children’s safe harbour. This isn’t about control—it’s about anchoring. And I’ve found, the more connected I am with my boys, the less they seek approval in the wrong places.
Trusting My Intuition
If there's one thing motherhood has taught me, it’s this: I know. I may not always know the "right" answer, but I know my child. I know when something’s off. I know when to lean in, when to step back, when to hold, when to let go. Dr. Maté encourages parents to parent from instinct and empathy—not rigid rules. And honestly? That has brought me so much peace.
What’s Helped Me Deepen This Work
If you’re on your own journey of reconnecting to your parenting instincts and creating a safe, emotionally rich space for your kids, books are a great place to start:
Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers
Raising Mentally Strong Kids
The whole brain child
Good Inside
How to do the work
This has helped me see parenting not as a performance, but as a relationship. One that heals both them and me.
