Breaking the Pattern: What Our Kids Mirror Back Matters
Last night I lost my cool.
Not in a throw-things kind of way, but in that quiet, aching kind of way where you realise—once again—you’re the only one holding the emotional pulse of your family.
I had asked for just five minutes of space. Not because I didn’t love my child. Not because I didn’t want to connect. But because I was drowning in everyone else’s needs and couldn’t hear my own heartbeat anymore.
I felt I had been playing and crafting with my boy Harris for the last hour and now everyone is here (My husband, Kove and Harris) all trying to talk to me at once and my brain is in over drive trying to prioritise and sort and manage. I’ve noticed something lately:
1. The Invisible Labour
My partner sees his contributions in cooking, cleaning, and lunchboxes, and yes, those things are so essential, and I am very lucky. But while he checks those boxes, I’m holding everything else: the moods, the regulation, the bedtime tears, the emotional climate.
And that kind of labour? It doesn’t fit on a chore chart.
Emotional labour is the glue of a family. But when only one person holds it, it turns into cement, heavy and immobilising.
2. Parenting Under Pressure
That night, I asked my son for a break. I told him Mummy needs five minutes to breathe. But he couldn’t hold that space for me—because he’s six, and his nervous system is still learning that space doesn’t mean rejection.
When he escalated, so did I.
Not because I’m a bad mum.
Because I’m a human mum. Tired, overloaded, and longing to be met halfway.
3. The Pattern in Our Kids
Our kids mirror what they see. And lately, I’ve seen flashes of my own overwhelm reflected back at me—ultimatums, yelling, shutting down. Not just from me. From my partner too. And while that hurts to admit, it also gives me power.
The behaviour isn’t the enemy. The environment is. And that’s what I’m trying to change.
The Lesson / Invitation to Readers:
If you’re reading this and nodding, just know:
You’re not broken.
You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re not alone.
We can change the dynamic—not by perfect parenting, but by conscious awareness. By having the hard conversations. By asking our partners to show up emotionally, not just practically. And by teaching our children that love is not conditional, and anger is not the only language we speak when we’re tired.
I am actively seeking change, driven by deep awareness, self-reflection, and an unwavering commitment to break generational cycles. As a mother I am also tired—tired of carrying the weight, tired of waiting for shared responsibility, and tired of feeling emotionally invisible while being physically present for everyone else.
This is a family in transition—from unconscious patterns to intentional parenting.
Closing Encouragement:
So today, I’m giving myself grace.
Tomorrow, I’ll try again, with a pause card, a calmer tone, and maybe a little more compassion for myself.
And if you’re in this too, reach out. Let’s rewrite the emotional culture of our homes—one breath, one truth, one courageous reset at a time.
